So I've had a throat and chest cold the past three days which, as I mentioned earlier, has now fused with a surging wisdom tooth/inflamed gum to create cancer. I skipped class today to hit the Klinik and emergency dental service and give my UNO study abroad insurance a test-drive. After chilling in the waiting room for 2 hours and reading Tiroler Daily Newspaper back to back, I met the cruelest woman alive, along with her two friends.
I patiently explained to her that my German didn't contain many terms relevant to wisdom tooth removal, or excruciating pain. She compensated by speaking faster and sending me for xrays. Xrays in German are Röntgen. Röntgen. Just rolls off the tongue. You'll need to know this word for any worthwhile trip to central Europe.
She then asked me my past pertinent history, and how much I enjoyed being stabbed with huge needles in a swolen gum. What I must have responded with was, "Hi. I have no pertinent allergies, but love being stabbed with huge needles in my tender gums. Do it fast, without skill, and often, please. I love pain, oh and also burning down animal shelters filled with helpless puppies and kittens."
This made perfect sense to her. Not only did she stab my tender gums and roots with needles, cut out my swolen gum with a scalpel and floss with razor wire, but she called three colleagues over to watch. I almost soiled my underpants. After she was done, she took a break to harm small children and let me spit blood into a basin. Her assistant looked at me like I had tree trunks for hands and feet.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/11/12/wtree112.xml
Anyhow, I simply walked out so dazed that I forgot my coat, vest, bag and newspaper. The horrible dentist politely reminded me of my items, the single good deed of her dreadful existence. Thankfully I've got a box of pills and some mold to chew on for 4 days, so every infections cell in my body will be cleared out in time for the VE RI EURO camp. Expect Dave at top form and with new pain and suffering tolerance.
The coolest thing about Austrian hospitals is that they record, on video, all medical encounters to ensure safe patient care. Thankfully that devil woman let me keep my video on a 1.5mb Flash Drive, which I immediately renamed The Sword of a Thousand Truths. Now I can take her to the cleaners in malpractice court and also post it on youtube to show you the bloodbath that was my afternoon.
Hugs, team. Enjoy the video; it slightly resembles Downfall, a documentary of the last days of Hitler's regime:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYvZnTFpip0
Tomorrow I have no class and will be retreating to Seefeld for the day to recapture the glory.
-The Kid
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